This blog is about life and my view of it. Sometimes that view is bright and sunny, and other times it is harsh and unsightly. Of course, everyone has good and bad days. I welcome the good days with open arms, while often being repulsed by the storm clouds that rage in my own eyes on bad days.
I often wonder how I ended up where I am today. Not that my life is terrible, but I often wish I had made some better choices. I read once that if you are unhappy with your life one of the things you should do is to take out a photo of yourself as a child. Then look at that photo and think of who you were then: the dreams, goals and ambitions you had, the things that brought you joy and made your heart sing. Then think about who you are now. Then forgive yourself - really forgive yourself - for the way things turned out. I tried this once and I guess I missed something when I read the instructions because nothing felt different afterwards.
When I was a child we played outside. I spent the first 12 years of my life playing in the woods and fields surrounding our home in rural Pennsylvaina. Summer days were spent climbing trees, catching frogs and turtles, picking wild blueberries and just running free through the endless wild places that will always be home to me. Nighttime was reserved for catching fireflies - period. We played outside in the winter too: sledding down the old railroad bridge behind our house, building snow forts and tracking squirrels, deer and other wildlife in the snow. It was a great childhood; an American childhood. And to this day I absolutely love being outside. So much so that I pursued a career that would allow me to protect the great outdoors for all time.
I work in public outreach in the wildlife conservation field and spend most of my time in front of a computer, an audience of school children, or a TV camera. My message? Ironically, it is "get outside." My job is to get children - who have never experienced the type of childhood that I had - interested enough in the outdoors to purchase hunting and fishing licenses in order to finance wildlife management into the future. At time the task seems daunting. Children today would rather sit indoors and play video games than go outside and climb a tree or track a deer through the snow. But I show up at work each morning hoping that today I will be able to teach a child - or even an adult - to love the outdoors as much as I do.
I did manage to spend about an hour at the park today, throwing a Frisbee for my dog. As is typical for a winter day in Wyoming, the wind was blowing and the clouds blocked any possibility of sun. Winters are cold and brutal here, often lasting for nearly 6 months. The relentless winds can blow out even the smallest flicker of hope for a mild day. I despise the cold, but the dog and I need the exercise and I was quite pleased to notice buds on many of the trees in the park this afternoon. I was reassured that winter cannot last forever and spring will soon be on its way. This isn't where I really want to live, but the job is here and I need the money. Past attempts to escape to a warmer climate (by interviewing for other jobs) have failed, so for now I am stuck here. The economy is too scary at this time to just up and quit, so here I sit. Waiting. Hoping. Dreaming. And staring at a picture of myself when I was 5 years old and wondering if I will every truly forgive myself for the way things turned out.
